Becoming mummy

Let’s start from the beginning, how I went from a young 20 something to being a mother to my two little monkeys.

From meeting my partner Dane and having our son Colby, time passed quickly. We had only been together 10months when we found out we were expecting. Those first 10 months were full of ups and downs, fun times and sad times.

Life was bliss to begin with, the first few months of our relationship, everything seemed perfect. After 6 months together we went on a holiday to Egypt for my birthday and from that point I knew he was the one I wanted a family with. Especially as a month earlier I found out I had miscarried.

Things then became confusing and stressful. One minute we said we would try for a baby, the next we weren’t ready. Christmas passed and on January 4th I ended up in hospital with ‘non specific abdominal pain’ and pelvic inflammatory disease. I had to stay in for two days and on a ridiculous amount of medication. To cheer me up we booked an all inclusive holiday to St Lucia for 2 weeks in September. I remember joking to myself ‘how funny would it be if I got pregnant now, now we have booked our holiday’, I think you can guess where this is going.

On February 6th I still felt so ill, I went to my local drop in clinic, convinced I had an infection. It was possibly one of the most embarrassing moments of my life. After a urine sample I lay on the bed, legs up in the stirrups with everything on show for the doctor, a torch on her head so she can get a good look! While in that position her assistant leans over with the urine dip stick. ‘Oh miss jones, you’re pregnant, congratulations’. I was stuck in the same position for a further 5 minutes, then eventually she let me get dressed. Red faced from embarrassment, shock and excitement, I left the clinic to ring my partner straight away.

The same night we told our parents. Unsure of the reaction we told my parents first, they were over the moon. The reaction from my partners parents wasn’t as enthusiastic which made me feel a little deflated. Especially as I was living in their house at the time. Over time though, they were the ones who gave us so much support and help, I don’t know what we would of done without them.

My parents seemed to take a bit of a back seat, making me feel upset and alone. Oh how depression made it seem 1000 times worse. I felt like everyone was against me, would contemplate an abortion as I just didn’t know what to do. I kept imagining scenarios of me being in accidents. My mind would torture me, but I couldn’t turn my thoughts into words and I suffered in silence. Due to this stress, I ended up in hospital numerous times. With reduced movements to strong and painful cramps. I had a preterm labour scare and had to have steroids. I could of been a permanent resident on the maternity ward!

Being a first time mum I was terrified of what could happen during labour. What if my baby died? What if I died? All these thoughts were rushing through my head, I felt like I was going insane. When it came to being in labour, I struggled. At only 2cm I needed a dose of pethadine, causing me to projectile vomit all over the ward. The pain was still strong so I then had diamorphine too. Finally I was at 5cm, off to the delivery room I went. I needed more pethadine as I just couldn’t cope with the pain. After almost 24 hours the anaesthetist decided I needed an epidural and the hormone drip to help speed things up. I had my epidural topped up twice and was constantly hitting the boost button and had the gas and air in my mouth for the whole thing.

It got to 11:45am the next day. The anaesthetist had told my partner of I had progressed in 30 minutes then I would need a cesarean. My worst nightmare. Due to the amount of medication I’d had I wasn’t quite ‘with it’. I must of subconsciously heard what was said, although I was only 8.5cm dilated I felt the urge like I needed to poo. The midwife had told me to relax as I wasn’t ready yet. Then came the urge to push, I couldn’t stop it. My boy was coming. After 4 pushes his head was out, then one more push and he was here. Exactly 12:00pm.

It was scary, because he didn’t cry straight away like you see in films. I was terrified that he wasn’t alive, I just wanted, needed to hold my baby. Then he made a noise that can only be described as halfhearted ‘wah’. He was just lying there chilled out completely oblivious to what had just happened.

I was a mummy, I hadn’t imagined it. It was real, he was here in my arms.

And that’s when I became Mummy.


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